Goodbye...and Hello.

I really don't want to give up on my writing a blog. So, I have given myself the challenge of writing at least one post per week.

Gassho.

Ango: End of Week One

So I have done the impossible (well, at least in my book),  I have managed to sit zazen twice daily. The first several days proved difficult getting up at 6AM to do 30 minutes of zazen, then feed and dress Baby "D," dress and collect myself, drive Baby "D" to his caregiver, and drive myself to work and present a somewhat coherent woman. Then after 8 hours of work I did the reverse of my morning routine.  Looking back at my first week, I  accomplished more than when I was single and with no baby to care for.  What did I do with all that free time?

For some reason unknown to me, Baby D has been going through his "mommy, mommy" phase this past week.  Never did he show any signs of being attached to me or to my husband, but now I certainly cannot be out of his sight.  I selfishly wonder if there is a correlation between this phase and my increase in practice.  Does Baby D sense a change?  I can say for a certain fact that for the first time since giving birth, that I have felt completely and utterly present as a parent to Baby "D."  My attention is completely devoted to him and there is less static.  Maybe there is something to this zazen practice after all.

Ango: Day One

So, I have embarked on a Autumn ango.  I have chosen to extend my sitting periods to twice a day. The morning sit will be 25 minutes long and the evening sit will last 30 minutes.  So far so good and if I fall, my zafu will catch me ;)

One requirement of ango is to do a sesshin, which will be a bit cumbersome due to the fact that Baby D is going through his "mommy, mommy" phase and I have no clue what the maneuvers are in oryoki.  It makes me wonder if this is worth it--sometimes mommy guilt is heavy.

See you tomorrow.

So my teacher cancelled another sesshin.  What to do? In my mind, I have kicked, screamed, and had an amazing tantrum, but in my heart I was sad. Was the end of the sangha near? One of the most popular teachings that I continually come across is the importance of being in the present moment.  If the present moment is the most important moment, the most relevant moment, then am I throwing my practice and life away because I am waiting for the teacher to feel better and for the teacher's vision of a sangha to solidify?

Please don't tell me that I don't need a teacher to study the dharma, because I do and I am not going to debate.  If your serious with your practice then you know that you can only go so far.

Right now, I will just keep breathing.

Void

I can't believe how long it has been since I have last posted.

Conscious Brilliance: Autumn Beauty

The birth of autumn is an event missed by many. Autumn reveals itself slowly, hovering on the edges of our consciousness until its crisp breezes are strong enough to pierce our summer clothing, and we notice for the first time the transformations taking place all around us. It is only when the last fruits and vegetables have emerged in the crisp tangy air and the trees have begun to deck themselves in shifting patterns of crimson and gold that we internalize that fall has indeed returned. Autumn is invigorating and a time to gather our thoughts, in the same way that we might once have collected crops. Just as animals collect acorns to store them, we reap the fruit of our accomplishments. Autumn also ushers in a new slowness of being for most of us, as the tone and tempo of our lives change along with those of all of Mother Earth's children.
As the days grow shorter and the blossoms that brightened our gardens through summer's heat begin to droop and wilt, we tend to acknowledge the changing season without understanding that we, too, are in transition. The brilliance of autumn's foliage, the flocks of southbound geese honking overhead, and the arrival of a bountiful harvest are all signs that our lives will soon be changing. Whether the season's cooler days are a prelude to a cold winter or a long stretch of sweater weather, we feel obliged to slow down and take stock of our lives. Autumn's pleasures and rituals revolve around the gathering of abundance in preparation for the winter to come. There is ample time to contemplate what we accomplished during the warmer seasons while tasting the year's first cider or breathing in the sweet fragrance of leaves breaking down. The same stirring that inspires animals to burrow deep into the earth compels us to celebrate the rich bounty we instinctively know will not appear again until springtime.
Appearances deceive in autumn. The transformations undergone by living beings seem much more like endings than the transitions they really are. Dormancy, not death, is the hallmark of fall. Your priorities will likely change as nature flares into sunset brilliance and then lapses slowly into slumber, but remember to rejoice in the beauty of nature where every finale serves as an overture for a new beginning.
(Taken from http://www.dailyom.com)

Snow, please.

*Image taken from Hike Japan

Today is the 14th day of January and I have yet to see a snowflake, let alone snow. Here is to wishing for snow (not too much, not too little, just enough!).