Here in my arms

"...All I ever wanted, All I ever needed, Is here in my arms..."
Enjoy the Silence, by Depeche Mode


Two weeks ago, my boss offered me a job that paid significantly more than what I am making now. This job would also mean a change in title, which did not concern me, because I have been performing in the higher paid job (as well as my own) for the last five months. We never had the chance to discuss the specifics and I decided to wait until after the New Year to mention the job and to begin the paperwork. These matters needed to be ironed out before I go out on maternity leave. I would also benefit from the higher salary on leave.

My boss not mentioning the job anymore caused me concern and my instinct was telling me something was amiss. When the boss finally arrived at work yesterday I asked what is the paperwork status on the position. The boss looked at me with uneasiness and said nothing was put through yet and we need to discuss some more things. When I asked when we could start these discussions, I was met with evasion. I let some time pass before I e-mailed the boss, who was now holed up in the office with the door closed, asking when we could discuss the offer that was made to me. Twenty minutes later, the boss calls in “second boss” and the boss shuts the door yet again. Of course I know the conversation is going to be about me.

When the boss finally comes out, I get served with a bunch of bologna mixed in with horseradish sauce. I was told that I was still being considered for the position and that nothing was finalized. Of course, I made my interjections about how I was already offered the job, but it did not matter. Did I mention that the boss told second and third boss and another staff member of my new position? Anyway, the boss promised we would meet tomorrow morning (January 4) and discuss the matter further. I felt calm and angry, if that is at all possible. I was thinking of the baby and trying to keep myself cool, calm, and collected.

Everything was OK until I woke up this morning. I had begun to spot and have cramps. After a quick call to the doctor and a visit to the maternity ward, they did not think I was in pre-term labor, but I was told to take off the next several days as a precautionary measure. Although I was scared of what was happening and how yesterdays event may have inspired my medical scare, I realized what was most important was the baby, my husband, family, and friends. I knew this all along, of course, but sometimes it helps to stare not at the finger but rather at the moon. Everything I could ever need or want is already here and also soon to be sleeping quietly in my arms.

Thank you for reading and your practice.

(P.S. The boss never showed up to work this morning.)